date
Alien Hand Syndrome Cous Cous
capers, chick_peas, courgette, cous_cous, dried_apricots, harissa, olive_oil, onion, salt, subzi_polo, sundried_tomatoes
ingredients
makes an enormous plate of filling stuff that can be served as most of a meal for two
- 1 courgette
- 1 onion
- half cup of cous cous (medium)*
- half cup of vegetable stock*
- olive oil
- 260g can of chickpeas**
- As many sundried tomatoes as you can place along the diagonal of the chopping board***
- a great many teaspoons of harissa
- some mixed herbs of some kind.****
- a few capers
- some leftover dried apricots
* note - these must be bang on identical by volume.
** note - It will probably say
400g(drained weight 260g). Obviously this is post-soaking weight if you're doing things properly.
*** note - larger chopping boards are available
**** note - I'm rocking a subzi polo mix at the minute: parsely, dill, chives, coriander and fenugreek.
soundtrack
Thunderbirds theme tune, followed by Aleksi Virta.
process
First, chop onion and put it in the pan over a low heat to fry in olive oil. Then add small-ish blocks of chopped courgette. When stuff starts looking brown, put in the harissa, a strong tunisian chilli paste. When you get to this stage, you may think you should add amount according to taste, but you won't. You will just watch fascinated, and a little appalled as your hand moves back and forth seemingly of it's own accord ladling ever more firey potency into the pan where 'your' food is cooking. Then you regain composure by bunging in the chick peas and stirring to coat evenly. Then, having chopped the tomatoes and capers up with your special tomato knife, and hacked the dried apricots up a bit you add them to the.. oh dear gods no the left hand is ladling more harissa into the mix like some unstoppable ladling machine! How can this be happening and why won't it stop? Distract the hand by making it put the vaguely specified herbs in. As the mix fries, put the vegetable stock on to boil, add some salt and immediately take it off when it begins to boil. Chuck in liberal quantities of olive oil followed by the cous cous. Cover and ignore for a few minutes. When it's all fluffy and nice, stir the mixture through the cous cous and gingerly taste it with some hot pitas. Affect surprised noises that somehow exactly the right amount of harrisa was added.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
Sparrow Grass Penne
asparagus, chilli, gomaiso, olive_oil, pasta, pine_nuts, sesame, tamari, white_onion
ingredients
Servings: It's pasta. If more people turn up, make more pasta. It just means people get less sauce.
- Penne Rigato (by preference make it good durum stuff, the kind that looks white-yellow rather than brown)
- Asparagus (one bunch)
- Tamari
- fresh red chilli to taste, not much
- medium white onion
- pine nuts
- Gomaiso (if you can't find this see below)
- Good quality, acidic, lemony, fragrant olive oil.
Gomaiso. 'Go-My-Sew'. What do you mean you don't have any gomaiso? Ridiculous! Well then do you have
- An oversized bag of sesame seeds
- Sea salt
Mix 4 parts sesame seed with one part sea salt, and then pound it to bits in a granite pestle and mortar until the salt is almost invisible to the naked eye. Now you have
soundtrack
Anything incomprehensible, noisy and Japanese for making the Gomaiso
(Afrirampo would be a good choice, for example). Anything by Thievery Corporation
for the rest.
process
Add the halved, tailed asparagus spears briefly to a pot of boiling water, taking them out sooner rather than later.
Make the pasta using the asparagus water as you leave the asparagus to dry off.
Gently fry the onion and chilli up with a little olive oil, adding pine nuts a little bit later.
Splash a half tablespoon of tamari in and add the asparagus to finish cooking in this new environment without getting greasy inside.
Toss the (now cooked) pasta with plenty of olive oil, stir in the asparagus mixture and top with plenty of
gomaiso. Discard weary arms.
I feel obliged to point out that owing to an accident of genetics I, like many others, simply cannot smell 'asparagus wee',
the effect of which Marcel Proust described as transforming his chamber pot into a 'bouquet of flowers'.
Be aware that people who do have this superpower will probably be able to tell whether you have just
'been'. Also do not eat this before attempting to escape from supervillans with cost-effective access to sniffer dogs.
Consume with any of: pickled ginger, nori flakes, miso soup, garlic naan bread, mixed olives, goat's cheese, lime and sweet potato won-tons, scottish red ale.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
Octarine Kale with sweet & sour chutney
cider_vinegar, fennel, ginger, kale, onion, potato
ingredients
Dinner for N people; chutney keeps overnight well, too so make too much.
- N fistfuls of Red/Black/Purple/Blue/Sea Kale
- N dozen small potatoes
- N onions
- N small bulbs of fennel
- N inches of ginger
- N*3 capfuls of good cider vinegar
- very small amount of sunflower oil
- tablespoonfull of olive oil
- (optionally) orange zest
- sea salt to taste
soundtrack
Part of the new Go Go Bordello album which you then take off and replace with the last Go Go Bordello album which was much better.
process
This recipe uses a kale of some kind. Kale is a brassica like savoy cabbage or panfry, but it has a confusing and contradictory nomenclature. The variety I used is variously known as 'red', 'black', 'purple', 'blue' or 'sea' kale, depending on where it is. As you can probably guess it's an amazing colour - sort of like what forest green would be if it grew up with a lot of litigious purple role models.
Put the spuds on to boil - they're going to be the backdrop of the meal. While they're cooking wash the kale and de-stalk it. Then chop the onion and fennel bulb into small pieces (also chop or grate the ginger into bits) and get two frying pans out (one big and one small). Place the onion and fennel in the small pan with the sunflower oil. Gently heat, and when they start to sweat put in the cider vinegar and the ginger. While the chutney mixture does it's thing, fry the kale in the big pan with plenty of olive oil. Start grating orange peel to add to it but then realise that this isn't an organic orange so it probably tastes horrible. Discard orange zest, consume orange. The kale will be fine without it.
Drain and half-heartedly smash the finished spuds and restrain yourself from adding butter or anything - just some salt. Serve the kale on top with plenty of chutney (which should be glistening; not dripping). There should be a 2:1 kale:spud ratio. Eat with ales.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
chomp;
chives, marge, parsley, potato, spring_onions, sweet_potato
ingredients
Makes main meal for one (side dish for two). Make more than you need; good reheated for breakfast.
- potatoes (2)
- sweet potatoes (1)
- two big spoons of vegan marge
- one bunch of spring onions
- parsely and chives (about 1/7 size of spring onions)
soundtrack
Space Station Soma
process
This is a variation on a northern irish recipe called champ - a kind of 2.0 champ. A 2.0 ``Mash Up''. Chop up spuds & sweet spuds into pieces with equal surface areas and moments of inertia - they should be more or less the same size and shape. Put them on to boil. Meanwhile finely shop the spring onions, and herbs. When the potatoes are cooked, drain and mash with the margarine, and mix well with the remaining ingredients. Serve with veggie sausages, mushroom ketchup and javascript.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
216-digit Lime, Ginger and Spring Onion Tofu
cinnamon, garlic, ginger, lemongrass, lime, pepper, soya, spring_onion, tofu
ingredients
makes dinner for 1. Scaling determined by rice.
- juice of one lime
- two inches of ginger
- one clove of garlic
- Three bloody big spring onions from the chinese shop
- soya sauce
- tablespoon of ground cinnamon
- tablespoon of fine flour
- one stalk of smashed lemongrass
- one slightly old red pepper
- half a block of tofu
- boiled rice
soundtrack
Pi (the film)
process
Finely chop up the ginger & garlic and lay them in a bowl. Chop the tofu into trianglar sections and lay them in the bowl. Add the smashed lemongrass. Drench in lime, and splash soy all over it. Go and ring your parents. After you get off the phone, mix the cinnamon & flour and roll the marinaded tofu in it. Begin heating some oil in a wok. Chop up the bottom parts of the spring onions really thinly. Tear the pepper and the tops of the spring onions apart with your hands. Frythe tofu on both sides, and then chuck in the veg. Take the lemongrass out of the marinade and chuck it in the pan as well. Serve with rice while it's still a bot crunchy.
verdict
* * *
Lime & ginger are a great combination - I've used it as the base of a soy marinade frequently. It works especially well with tofu. The 'innovation' here was to chuck in a truly excessive amount of spring onions, and some lemongrass. It more or less works, especially the wee bit of garlic. It could do with being hotter though - I'd use a chilli next time.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
Gelin-style Tempeh Wrap
chilli, coriander, garlic, lemon, mandarin, onion, pepper, soy, tempeh, wrap
ingredients
makes 3 wraps (dinner for 1). Scales linearly.
- tempeh (250g, diagonal cuts)
- 4 cloves of garlic
- half a red pepper, chopped
- juice of half a lemon
- five spring onions, chopped diagonally
- quarter of an onion, diced
- one red chilli
- wholemeal tortillas
- dried coriander (leaf)
- Kalamata olives
- soy sauce
soundtrack
Beginner's Mandarin Chinese Lesson 4
process
Marinade the tempeh with the lemon juice and garlic. Begin heating some oil in a pan. After a half hour of trying to figure out what the hell "Gelin" means in Mandarin realise that it's actually a rendering of "Green", who is a fictitious person that the authors inserted into the lesson in order to make things "easier" to understand. Realise the oil is getting pretty hot, tip the slightly overmarinaded tempeh into the pan, turning down the heat, and turning over as soon as they are browned underneath. Put the onions (both kinds), pepper and chilli in. Stir occasionally, but leave it a bit if the tempeh tries to crumble. While they cook, put the tortillas somewhere to warm up. Add soy sauce and coriander leaves to taste. When it's done, transfer to a bowl. Take out the warm tortillas, wrap up bits of the mixture in them and Nom Nom Nom
verdict
* * *
The chilli & lemon thing works as well with tempeh as it does with everything else, and the marinade with garlic worked well too. The coriander leaves defied the second law and clung straight away to the tempeh. It was pretty nice and would have got more stars if it wasn't for the tortillas I used. I don't care how good for you whole foods are, I'm going back to the white, extra salty kind for the next set of wraps, purely for their structural properties (ie they actually soften and wrap stuff). I'm glad I forgot to use the olives - I don't think they would have added much and I'll get to use them later.
There is still no decision about which microformat to use for recipies, otherwise this entry would be using them.
